Daughter ran away!

[simplythebest]

Anyone else go through this?

[juicyjudith]

Sorry Jenn, I have no experience of this with any of my kids, but I will keep your daughter, you and your family in my prayers, I really hope she returns home soon, big hugs judith.

[simplythebest]

Thanks Judith. I think the worst part is the waiting. Not being able to actually DO anything yet is driving me nuts...

[Melanie]

I am sorry about your Daughter running away Jenn. I really dont think you and her Dad are being at all unreasonable, but she is certainly being immature. I can relate to some of what you are saying, i have a 15 year old Daughter who is generally a well behaved child but she has her moments too! What you are saying about the computer and not helping out, oh yes that is all too familiar! She does so well with her school work and all her teachers praise her but she is so lazy at home. I agree that the kids now are spoiled and i guess that we as parents would have to take some of the blame for that. I know i was wrong, doing everything for her when she was little but you would think a they would want to help you out sometimes! I, like the rest of us are getting older and dont have very good health but i still need to nag/beg/bribe her to empty the dishwasher or put laundry away (that i washed and ironed!) I really hope your Daughter comes to her senses and realise's what caring and loving parents she has! and that you only want the best for her. I am sorry i am not much help to you, i will keep your family in my thoughts and hope things work out for you all soon.

[tantemir]

I'm sorry to hear you have troubles with your daughter. I'm only 25 so I can't really relate on a parenting level, but what you and your husband ask of your daughter sounds very reasonable. I think she will realise this too... And when she realises how good she has it at home, I'me sure she'll be back in no time! Ýou are in my thoughts... I hope everything turns out ok!

[-SamLee-]

I have no kids myself, but i am very familiar with "that" kind of behavior because someone relative is going through something similar. Her son is 18 (turned in february) and already lost his drivers lisence (which his grandparents generally paid, god knows why) with his grazy behavior (18 is the age here when you can drive the lisence). He has no education, or motivation to look for one or no job, he just hangs out with his friends getting drunk daily and getting in to troubles. But in this case i totally blame the parents for him to be like that, they have had their issues and the boy has gotten everything in the world ready and the parents really haven't kept any poundaries or exact rules for him as early as they should have, and this is the result. Now when/if they are trying to keep control, it just doesn't effect at all or in the worst case they almost gets beated and stuff like that.
And i tell you, this kid i am talking about is way more worse than it sounds based on this writing, .
In here, Finland, social wellfare helps you with rent and stuff like that, so no one actually leaves homeless, unless they really want to, so i think the parents should just kick him out to his own place where he can do what ever he wants to with his life.
They have made everything for him, and he just don't get it..


I hope all turns out well in your case, and your daughter understands how good and caring parents she has and how well everything is for her in life and she sees that your demands aren't reasonable at all.
Wish you and your family all the best!

[Kweenie]

Hey Jenn.I'm sorry to know about your daughter, I also had trouble times when I was 19 it finished only last year in 2010 not completely sometimes.
18/19/20 years old is a trouble times for many of young adult,whatever the social background we come from, whatever we were a good or a bad pupil at school,whatever our level of education if our parents are good with us or in the contrary completely strict with us.
I never ran away I didn't have the force to go out,I was nearly a breakdown at that time.I spent my time to cry and being nervous.
I dropped it college I didn't being successful . This failed and my poor social relashionship makes me feel so bad.
I can't say anything else except I'm very worried about her, ad if she is my own daughter or little sister,she certainly in danger I pray she is still alive and safe with this guy,there are a plenty of monstrous people in internet looking for desperate young girls or young women to make them hurt or something aweful else .That's the reason why I'm very suspicious when I have a chit chat with annonymous on the internet.I personally can't trust on everyone because of those people.

I pray Police will find her very soon and she'll came back alive home !

[simplythebest]

My daughter finally called after we had police stop by to fill out missing persons report.
So we called police again to call off report (useless paperwork since they said they can't even look for her OR contact the last person she talked to).
Police say they can't do NOTHING because the law says she is an adult! I guess they wait for a body show up to do anything. Lets just say the cops started to get mad when I gave them my opinion of things....
She lied again because she didn't want to say who she was with. She refused to say where she was. Says she's not coming back til MAYBE Wednesday night. She throws it in our face that she's an "adult" and expects us to treat her as one. Yet she refuses to act like one. She got fed up with us demanding she find part-time job or apply for & attend college! She doesn't even want to try. She only cares about her fake online "friends" she's never met - more than she cares about her entire family!
She has NO money since she quit her job earlier this year. She wants to have the freedom of an adult, with NONE of the responsibilities. And her father pays the cellphone. I think that will be the first thing to shut down. She's so "grown-up", she should pay her own phone bill. Her father is gonna get stuck with the horrible broken-contract fee.
Anyway, it seems when she talked, then later text to her father, she saw NOTHING wrong with her behavior of taking off any never calling or anything. She thinks WE should never have called police or "harassed" her friends.
(I only called 2 people, & only gave severe warnings to ONE of them because they refused/never called to let me know she wasn't with him or whatever - he WAS the one she last called & text with. The other guy actually text back bunch of times & was concerned. So I don't know where she gets off saying I got her & her friends mad/harassed. And she want us to apologize to them.)
I will NOT be apologizing to anyone. As far as I'm concerned, she OWES us an apology! It was the first time I saw her father cry in years (since his father died about 7 yrs ago). He was printing out pics of her at my computer, he didn't yet know where she was, and I came back in to see his head on my desk crying. She didn't even seem to care when I finally told her that later. It seems the only reason she called later was to tell us to stop "harassing" her friends & not involve police (which was partly too late). I thought I raised her better than to be so rude, lazy, & disrespectful, but I guess I really failed badly.
I cannot even think past the haze of anger. Her brothers think she is really nuts. One of them is 17 & he thinks if he sees her soon, he will have hard time not throwing her out the door! He's capable of it too, and also angry with her.
It breaks my heart to think I have to feel this way about one of my children. I DO remember what it feels to be her age. Her birthday is first day of autumn. She will be 19. She refuses to act like it. Part of me doesn't want to see her here if she can't change her attitude of disrespect. I never thought I would have to think that.
Is it wrong to feel so angry?
Thanks for reading to my rambling from 3 days screwy sleep & horrible headache.

[juicyjudith]

Jenn it's not wrong to feel anger at all, I know I would in the same situation. I know it's easy for me to say, but please get some sleep, without sleep you'll be no good for anything. When she returns, go through the house rules again, tell her you will always love it, but you're not prepared to put up with her unacceptable behaviour, be prepared for her to storm out, but if you give in now, is it fair on yourself, your hubby and your sons.

Keeping you all in my prayers, love and big hugs judith.

[tantemir]

I'm glad your daughter called you and that she is ok. I get that she wants to be treated as an adult. I think you should, but make it clear to your daughter that that means she has to pay her own bills and take the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Support her, but don't fix her problems for her when she is in trouble (money- or otherwise...) I know that's difficult but it is the only way for her to grow up. My sisters boyfriend - 21 years old - has never learned to take care of himself and he is always broke, has no education and is really immature for his age. It produces a lot of problems in the relationship, since my sister is used to earning and spending her own money and she is about to go live on her own. She is ready to be an adult, he is not even grown up enough to clean his own room! I wish better for your daughter... (Which doesn't mean I think you and your husband are bad parents or anything, no harm meant by all of this)

I wish you luck and I hope that the relationship with your daughter will improve...